Make your own dirt! Part 2

April 19, 2012 § 8 Comments

Just in case you are wondering…no, Dave did not give me a compost bin for our anniversary.  I bought a bin myself.  At Walmart, where they were on sale.    Dave, evidently tainted from years of a compost pile as a kid, most certainly did not endorse the purchase of my compost bin.  In fact, I had to sneak-buy it.

Yesterday I bought the darned thing on my lunch break.  After work, with a glass of wine and Doodle and Otis’s assistance, I assembled it on the patio.  Thankfully, Dave was working late, and so he was spared having to view the box, with its extravagant price tag.  By the time Dave arrived home, it was assembled, and sitting daintily next to the Bay Tree, in the breezeway.

Dave:  What IS THAT?  Did you WASTE MONEY on that ball of crap?

Me:  No.  Of course not.  That ball of crap was ON SALE.

Dave:  Do you realize how IMPRACTICAL that stupid ball is?  I could have made you something out of those old boards in the back yard.  Geez.

Me:  But those boards are rotten.  They will last, like, 3 weeks, and then they will disintegrate into nothingness.

Dave:  That ball of crap is a COLOSSAL waste of money.

Me:  Just you wait.  Pretty soon that ball of crap will be making homemade dirt, and you’ll be thanking me for all the money we’re saving, not having to buy dirt at the store.

Dave:  We have plenty of dirt already.  You don’t have to buy dirt at the STORE.  Do what you want, but that stupid ball’s going to roll all over the yard and disappear forever.

Making your own compost pile:  Some helpful tips

You do not need to buy a fancy compost ball at Walmart.  You can make a compost pile yourself with a few old boards or a discarded plastic bin.  Just because I was wasteful, buying a stupid compost ball from Walmart, doesn’t mean you have to do the same.

In spite of what the experts say, a compost pile can be a little stinky.  Don’t put it right up next to the place where your husband parks his car, because it will just piss him off.

Situate the compost bin close enough to the house where you can easily walk outside in your pajamas to throw away the leftover kitchen waste, without worrying that some coyote or possum will attack you while you’re out there.  Use your best judgment.  If you can, try to trick your husband to go outside and throw away the kitchen trash into the compost bin.

Keep a lidded waste container indoors, where you can discard any vegetable matter for eventual displacement into the compost bin.

Throw your vegetable waste, and nothing else into the compost pile.

Do not throw meat-products into the bin.  This attracts carnivores and other pests, which you do not want near the house.

Do not use your compost bin for yard waste, such as lawn clippings or hedge trimmings.  These are better left either on your lawn, or in a compost bin of their own.

Waste that is ideally suited for your compost bin includes:  coffee grounds and filters, bread, citrus peels, apple peels, egg shells, fruit, stale bread, tea bags, raw or cooked vegetables, shredded paper (not glossy).

Waste not suited for your compost bin includes:  meat, dairy products, fish, fat, lawn clippings, shrubbery trimmings, garden waste, your husband’s old high school football jersey (why, oh why is he still wearing that stupid thing?).

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